I was fighting a losing battle. From the moment that you wrapped me in your coat and held me in the snow, I was a goner. This wasn't the reason that I left. I went to find something but I really believe that the something I was looking for was me. I never expected to find you, or anything like it. And as such, I never expected you to follow me back here. I never thought that you would actually call, that we would actually go to dinner, that you actually wanted something beyond a simple European romance. But here I am: holding your hand, having study dates in the library, hanging out with your roommates... fighting a losing battle.
So the other day I thought about it. You were laying next to me, dozing in and out of consciousness, and I couldn't help but think about what things would be like with you. I couldn't help but be astonished about the way things are with you. You said it yourself. "I really can't believe the way things have worked out. It's really like something out of a movie." Well kid, I agree. Things like this, they don't happen in real life. You don't meet someone in Oxford, kiss them on top of the Eiffel Tower, and then bring them back home. I am so amazed at the way things have worked out. This type of fall, it's the kind that books are written about. I never knew that something like this could progress the way that it has. It's almost too good for words, almost too good for anything.
So I gave up fighting a losing battle. I was never going to win in the first place. There was no way for me to come out of this situation in any way but pieces. But there's the beauty in it. The pieces that I have aren't these broken, shattered things that I have known from before. These pieces are separate but intertwined. They each belong to a single person, but the make up the person that I am. And now, there is a piece for you. It's one of the biggest parts, really, and it's yours if you'll have it. It's the piece that makes me smile every time you walk into a room. It's the piece that warms my body entirely with every hug, every smile, and every look that comes from you.
"So lay here beside me, just hold me, and don't let go. This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known."
So I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I love you. I think you might know, just like I think you might have said it this morning. But since I can't find it in myself to say it to you yet, I'll say it here. I think that you have a laugh that can make the entire room warm. Your eyes are some kind of ridiculous blue that are so deep, but they are filled with fireworks. There's something so comforting about the way you smell. It reminds me of a million memories that we've yet to experience. When you tuck me in at night, it feels like home. Like the warmth radiating from you is a million times greater than any warmth that would be given by all the blankets in the world. You are warm. You are my comfortable place in the world. You are safety. And in spite of all of these things that I am not... you are mine.
I'm terrified of what you'd say to me if you knew just how much I feel for you. I know that I shouldn't. I think that people put a certain time limit on things like this. Don't say it too early. Don't wait until it's too late. Where's the middle ground? I guess it's here. I'll say it here, whisper to myself while you sleep, yell it in my mind as you stare at me over the top of your computer screen. Who knows when it's appropriate to say? I don't. But like I said before, I've given up. I'm not fighting this losing battle any more. My heart is yours, to fill or burst, break or bury, or wear as jewelery; whichever you prefer.
