you'll be here in my heart

Yesterday, for the second time in my life, I saw my father cry. A long, silent hug. Several forced, deep breaths. And the the struggle of the words that he couldn't bear to say. I knew what was coming. I had been awake for longer than he and my mom thought I had. My bedroom window overlooks the backyard, and I had heard bits and pieces of conversation since the phone call that had woken me up hours before.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"
"Yeah it's him."
"No, Patti called Mark this morning... Sometime around 4:00."

There are moments like these, defining moments, that can cause you to falter- to question everything in general. There are these people in my life that are more than human to me. They are the people that I want to emulate in my own life, and the ones that I look to to always be constant. But when moments like this come along, it makes it harder to breathe. It makes it harder to trust anything. Most of all, it makes it harder to have faith. To see my dad cry over this, the loss of someone who was undoubtedly one of his favorite people in existence, it changes a person.

So here's to my uncle: a man who would give a 12-year-old a sip of his scotch just because he thought it would be funny; a man who would use family gatherings as a time to teach my dad how to play grand theft auto; a man who, no matter the situation, could put a smile on your face and a certain warmth in your heart; my dad's best friend, and someone that I will regret not knowing better, for the rest of my life.

"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come." --Tagore