For what I can say, Saturday was a great look into the life of the man I didn't know so well. There were so many stories: some that I have heard thousands of times, and others that just made me laugh and shake my head. This is what he wanted: laughter, drinks, friends and family. All of us together, celebrating the life of the man who had such magnetism that you just had to notice him. That's all I've got so far. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this in my own way.
I can't stand talking about myself like this, like I'm some helpless thing. I mean... yeah, I'm sad. I'm seriously confused, and I don't understand how or why things like this happen. But most of all, I'm angry. Things like this shouldn't happen to people who work so hard, and on top of that try so hard to be good. People like this do not need to be taken from a world like this. And for that, I am angry.
There are seven stages of grief, I understand this. Anger is in there, somewhere around stage three. But More than being angry, I am just confused. I know that this happens to everyone, that the end is a part of life. 'The debt that all men pay.' I guess I just didn't understand how much these people meant to me; I was too young while they were here to understand that I needed to appreciate them. And now it is too late. But that is part of life right?
Ignorance. Foolishness. Loss. Shock, pain, anger. Regret. Hurt. Grieving. Acceptance. Hope.
I strongly believe that there is always hope. No matter how much you have been hurt, or how much you are afraid that something bad is going to happen, hope is always there. It waits for you to grab on to it, and will stay for as long as you hold it. So here's to hope, and the prayer that I won't forget to appreciate from now on.
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