something there that wasn't there before

I feel like faith is something that grows over time. It's a part of life that can be forgotten if you choose to; but if you ever feel the need to go back to it, the feelings can take a while to return. I believe in certain things in life. I know that there is more than this world, and I know that if I make it to Heaven there will be many members of my family waiting for me, waiting to welcome me home. I believe that there is something more than this world; I believe that there has to be. I believe that there is someone watching over me, and I believe that despite the past years of doubt, I will be loved and welcome back into this family.

This path is not something that I take lightly, and I think I understand where this push towards faith is coming from. When you lose someone, that hurt does not just go away. The feelings need to be channeled somewhere. The pain, hurt, and excess love that I feel in me, they need to be dispersed somehow. My faith is not something that I take lightly. It isn't even something that I talk about freely, or ever. I have not mentioned feelings like these in a very long while. I nee to now though. I feel like if there were a right time to give my faith another shot, it is now. Because I need to have faith in something bigger than all of this. This can't just be it. I need to believe that the things we do, and the things that happen around us, I need to believe that they are part of a bigger plan. I need to know that one day I will have the answers to my questions. Because I need to know that this all was for something. In the end, I will need to know that my blind faith is worth something, and that it has gotten me somewhere. And while I am willing t admit that I am ready to believe again, I need those around me to use a steady and rather gentle guiding hand as I try and find my own way.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:2