There's something about my family. They are the thing that I was missing in my life, and I see that now. I am not cut out for being away from them for long periods of time. No matter how much I say that I love my space, there is always something that draws me back to them and to the comfort of their love. It's a certain kind of love; very assured of it's place and how we convey it to each other. These are the ones who can say something that I don't want to hear, and I believe them because I know they are saying the things that I don't even want to think.
That love is the reason why I could sit at that wedding tonight, and believe Laura when she told me that I didn't have to put up with bullshit from any boy. "No matter how long you loved him for, that will never give him the excuse to play around with your heart." The words that I didn't want to think, laid out right in front of me. If messing around with me was going to be the way for you to heal your broken heart, I would have let you. But she saw right through you. One of the most honest women in my life, one of my role models, looked me in the eye and gave me the courage that she hoped I could have.
It's love like that, that fills the holes in my life and makes me reach for something more. The way in which she looked at me, and told me the one thing that no one else in my family would say. It's this kind of love and support that I have been looking for. The kind that will smack me across the back of my head and make more sense than anything else in the world. And it's that kind of love that only the closest people in my life can give to me. Others, they don't know how to convey it. But these people, the ones I am bound to by so much more than blood, they know me; they understand. Understand, and help me to stand when I feel like I can't on my own. They are the constant in my life, and though there have been some that have left us, I know that their love is what is constant. Constant, and unwavering. And even though I make decisions sometimes that they might not be too sure of, they are always there to hold my hand and give me courage when I can't find it myself. And it is that kind of love that keeps me assured. It is that kind of love that holds me to this place, and it is their faith that makes me sure of the decisions I am making. And while I might not be making any sense whatsoever, I know that they don't care. They are here to help me make sense of it all. And honestly, I'd want nothing else till I die.
"In life, as in baseball, it is the number of times you reach home safely that counts."
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