There are often moments in my life that I am struck by certain feelings. These instances are mostly random, and they seem to hit me when I'm least expecting it. Does anyone else have these moments? It's not just me... right? These feelings that I'm talking about, they usually hit me when I'm trying to plan out the next stage of my life. I mostly find them on the road between San Diego and home. Between home, and home. It's hard to describe without sounding rather and completely awkward. The feelings that hit me are mostly just a realization that this is life. You can plan all you want, but this is real life, and curve balls are going to come at you.
Even now, that sounds completely awkward. I can't force these feelings to come, and no matter how hard I try I can't recreate them in myself right now. Random, right? They're not feelings that come from thinking that maybe all this is a dream. It's more like I've been walking around, seeing all this in movie form. And then, suddenly, it hits me. This is real life, and it had repercussions. Those that I've lost will not be here to take a final bow with me as the credits roll, and when people are hurt their feelings are real. See? I told you it was awkward. Most of the time, it doesn't even make sense to me.
However, there are certain things that I am sure of. If my life were a movie, it would have the best soundtrack. My life stars the greatest cast that I would ever care to know. I think that my life would be categorized under 'romantic comedy': sometimes that romance is hard to come by, but the comedy is always there. And when they combine, it tends to be a thing of beauty. If my life were a movie, and I could fast forward to the end, I'd hope to see a happy ending. The hopeless romantic in me wants to ride off into the sunset with the boy. But the free thinker in me knows that I want my own horse. And the independent spirit that I am knows that that particular ending won't come for a while.
So while I'm living my life, my very own life, I've decided to make certain decisions about the way in which I live. I will live for me, and make the decisions that I deem best. Yes, opinions are always welcome, but to be honest I don't know if I'll take them.
I have this bracelet that my sister and I bought from Disneyland. On it, mine says "I wish to live happily ever after." It's a simple wish, really. Just to be happy, and have that at the end of my days. But there's the in between part that gets a little tricky. They say you're not supposed to tell what you wish for; that if you throw a penny into a wishing well, it won't come true if you tell people what you wish for. I believe that my wish requires some effort on my part. I believe that any wish needs some effort to be put into it. So here it is: the person that I am, the little girl who always wanted to have her wishes come true the moment she thought of them, wished for patience. Patience to let things develop on their own time. Patience so that she can relax and just let things happen. Patience so that she could understand that things will happen, life will throw curve balls at you, and in the end to understand that this is real life. And in this life, things happen for a reason. So here's to patience, so that I can understand that while life not be perfect, in the end, it will be worth it.
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