I need to start living life for myself. I always feel as though the decisions I make should be for others, and I really wish that I made the effort to not be so passive. I need to make up my own mind in the sense that I need to decide what is going to be best for me. What is best for me? I don't know how to make that decision without asking others. I need to decide for myself. How do I do that? And how do I stop asking so many questions?
"I'm sorry for tonight. I just want you to know that you have much more going for than you think."
I saved it in my inbox. Drunken works don't mean much, but this sentence here is something I cannot comprehend. I don't have that much. I don't need people to try and prove this to me, I just need someone to show me the way. I need to come to terms with this myself. And I need to figure out how to get some of this 'confidence' that people keep talking about.
The difference for me, I believe, is that while I can have confidence in others, I tend to have but faith in myself. Faith should be stronger. But faith means going out on a limb; trusting in that which you know has not been proven or tested to it's full capacity. Confidence, to me, means that it has been there before and will come back intact and even more full of life than it has before. I have confidence in many things. But my faith... that seems to be stretched a little thin these days.
One of these days, I will find the confidence in myself to trust fully in my faith. It is going to happen; that I can believe. This process though, that is what is going to take a while. I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. All I ask now is that you find the patience to bear with me through all of this.
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