There is a change coming. The change is here. I just have to figure out how to keep my hands wrapped around it. It would be so easy to keep things the way they were, but that wouldn't be fair to any of us. There is a lot of growing up that needs to be done. And I feel like once that is done, I will look back on all of this and smile. This is for the best. You said it yourself, "This is all going to work out for us. This is all going to be alright." And I really hope that you believe that.
I don't have faith in much. I haven't for a while. It seems to me that there hasn't been much lately for me to have faith in. I want to have it; I want to believe that everything will be alright, and the decisions I am making are for the best. I need to grow up, and I need to learn that the decisions I am making are alright for me. I need to learn to stop validating my life through everyone else's opinion. There are many things that I need to learn. And I feel like this step, well it's the beginning of my education. This education is not found in schools, but it is one that will be paid for.
You know what I would do? If I could, I would leave this town right now. I would leave by myself, and spend the rest of my life driving around the country. I would visit as many small towns, and little cities that I could. I would take pictures, learn from the people, hold a job for a while, and then pick up and leave. My dad used to tell me that his sister never seemed to be around after her boys were grown because she always seemed to have 'travelin feet.' That's what I feel like. I would be contented for the rest of my life to move city to city, country to country, and learn as much as I could. I would give back, in philosophy, in art, in writing, and I would make my life by never settling in one specific place. That is what my dream seems to be. And I hope beyond all hopes that one day it comes true.
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