I'm just too far from where you are

What it boils down to, is that I want my momma and pappy. I haven't been this scared in a while. I'm not trying at sound all emo. That's not what I'm trying to convey here. This change, this change that I'm going through now, it's definitely needed. I've known that this change was coming. But to see it here, it's nerve-wracking. Something in my life has been constant for the last three years. And now, it's run it's course. Some of you hope it's just for the time being, and maybe it is.... we'll see. But to make this change myself, to take my own fate in my hands... it's tough.

I know that my fate has always been under my control, that it's been in my hands. I guess I just never realized how much it depended on me. It sounds weird to say, but I don't feel like I've ever had this much control over it. And it scares me. Scares me that there won't be someone constantly there; but it'll make me stronger right? I'll be better for it, right? This all seems rather complicated. And I don't quite know how to word it.

After three years, I should feel something right? Even if it's a bad emotion like relief, or happiness, or sadness, anger, disappointment, something... anything. I don't. I don't and can't find myself feeling anything at all. What I do feel is like I'm broken. Like I've waited so long to feel something, and now nothing is coming out. So therefore, I guess all I feel is broken. I would give anything to feel something about this, rather than just feeling like... like... like this. You know I haven't even cried? That's so lame to be upset about, but maybe it's just the natural reaction I've been looking for.